Yesterday, I was talking to my family and I said, "of all the wars the United States has ever been involved with, the Civil War and World War II are the hardest for me to accept." The Civil War is the only war I am thoroughly ashamed of and World War II has always turned my stomach.
Thinking on my statements, I believe I may have identified precisely why I have always felt this way. I never rejected the Civil War because of slavery, I did not favor one side over the other for any known reason I can think of. My objection to the Civil War was the division of a nation in such a catastrophic fashion that brothers were literally on opposite sides of one of the most gruesome wars in American history. Battlefields dripped red and bodies were so thick, you could walk from one side to the other without touching the ground. I can rationalize fighting an enemy I have never shared a meal with, but aiming a cannon at my own brother seems beyond me.
Similarly, the trench warfare in World War II has always sickened me. It was the first time chemical weapons were used and the devastation was unilateral. Pictures or paintings from these wars have haunted my dreams.
In Silent Symphony, I deal with death of a beast like any hunter. It had to be done, so it was and the characters survived. But when it comes to the death of a character, will I handle writing the scene or will I make myself sick just thinking about it. My story is highly visually motivating; can I make a death scene the same caliber of experience I have used thus far?