I may have a winner!

The biggest problem I have been having with publishing Silent Symphony was my inability to pitch it. It took a while, but I believe I may have overcome that problem. Surprisingly enough, it came after speaking to someone who just yesterday quit her day job at my work to pursue a full time writing career. More specifically, it came after reading her short story "The Anniversary" on her website.

In every synopsis I wrote previously, I focused on the character development, on emotional changes, instead of the not so underlying plot. In Silent Symphony, the void is the underlying theme throughout the series, yet in my pitch, I mention it as more of an after thought. Sort of a "and she cried...Oh, and the void is destroying everything, but back to the emotional drama..."

In The Anniversary, erotica romance novelist Jesse Pearle, begins her short story about a tattoo artist remembering the death of her lover eight years prior. She focuses on mind-numbing work to distract her from her memories until her lovers best friend walks in the front door for his yearly "how are you doing on this day?" appointment.

Knowing Pearle writes romance, the back of my mind already knows where the story is headed, yet still the words are captivating. Even as the characters launch into inevitable passionate scene, the underlying remembrance of a lost love is still at the forefront of the reader's attention. Pearle does not compromise the story, does not let it slip for an instant, as she fulfills every expectation of a romance story.

I literally closed the website and I opened a Word document to begin the fifth attempt at a successful query. I will upload it tomorrow morning before I go baby shopping. Assuming it goes as well as I hope, I only need to find someone to query, whether it be a publisher or an agent. Anyway, good night world!

Problems Promoting

The biggest thing holding Silent Symphony back right now is my ability to pitch it, yet everyone who has read it thus far has said it was great. I think my biggest weakness is trying to find selling points others might like that could be marketable, but all I am coming up with is a young adult romance similar to Twilight.

My story is about a girl orphaned and outcast from society at three. She wants nothing more than to tend her garden and be ignored. But when a lost Bard escapes a fate worse than death, she risks her life to save his.

From there, her life begins to snow ball, picking up momentum and stray friends as she hurtles through countless physical, social, and emotional challenges. Using her song as a weapon, she quickly surpasses every expectation. In the end, she follows in her parents' footsteps, braving unparalleled beasts to defend everything she cares about.

The second book unveils the causality behind the greatest threat to the Village, unmasks the one responsible, and forces the party to question their own morality and their loyalties.

The third explores a dichotomy in social structures identifying the mechanisms behind an ancient feud. It evaluates the impacts of technology on a society dominated by magic and exposes the underlying threats the party inadvertently released.

The fourth concludes the series in a cataclysmic battle requiring hard decisions, agonizing sacrifices, brilliant strategic manipulation, and internal coordination. In this final book, the party must decide the fate of two societies, their families, and their own harmonies.

I have the first book done, am about half way through writing the second, and know the major plot points of the remaining two. If only I could find a way to make the first book sound as heart pounding and visually dynamic as it is so someone else would want to read it. Anyone have any successful query letters and synopsis they wouldn't mind sharing?

It's Been A Long Time

"How have you been? I've been really busy...being dead...you know, after you murdered me!"  Ok, so I couldn't help myself. Portal 2 references just seemed fitting after such a long absence.

I needed to take some time, to reflect on what I wanted to do with my book. For a while, I lost interest in the idea of publishing. I found an agent I really liked, an agent I felt I could relate too and understand. I submitted my work to her around the beginning of December. She got back to me right around Christmas. She was very polite in her rejection and I appreciate her taking the time to bother with my work.

Sadly, when it was all said and done and I began looking for another agent, no one quiet jumped out at me like she did. Jennifer Jackson is the Vice President of Donald Maass Literary Agency, and pioneered the acceptance of women's literature within the Agency. She keeps a blog and periodically shows her readers the statistics for queries she receives. She asks from input from her audience on how best to improve her posts for writers. I haven't found a single other available agent that goes to these lengths and guarantees a response. I really like her style and ethic. I just wish I could have captured her attention as much as she captured mine.

But now I need to move on. I am looking into Momentum, an all e-book publishing house an Australian author friend of mine published through. I doubt I will get very far, but I at least need to try.

If you are still out there, dear reader, thank you for your patience. And hopefully Silent Symphony will see publication soon.

The Problem in Decisions

There is a startling revelation to be made when you realize simple decisions about your life can have devastating consequences to seemingly uninvolved individuals. I know it seems juvenile and childish, but I was recently reminded of one such circumstance.

For a while now, I have been jokingly considering certain actions I believed only affected myself and my husband only to be painfully reminded such actions have a traumatizing impact on another close relationship. Now I am faced with a decision to continue down my path or alter course to save another such misery.

And the worst of it is others cavalier attitude toward the entire situation. Anyway, today was an uncomfortable reminder of our responsibilities towards others.

Dear Reader

Dear Reader,

Whoever you are, I think you may be the only one that actually reads my blog.  I remember the first time I saw the +1 on one of my posts.  I looked at it rather confused for a long time before I realized what it was.  Admittedly, earlier this morning when I wrote my last post, I had forgotten about you.  I can't imagine what about my blog has peaked your interest, but I must say thank you for taking the time to read it.

I recently discovered Pentatoxic and was listening to their youtube channel.  They have a song they cover that I hadn't heard before.  It was called "Don't you worry child."  One of the lines is "Don't you worry child, heaven's got a plan for you."  I couldn't stop laughing and crying at the same time.  The day I write about giving up hope is the day I discover that song.

Thank you.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading my blog.

Alexis

For Want

I think it is pretty safe to say not very many, if any, read this blog.  I think the page views I have thus far are simply blog rating websites sending out the occasional feelers.  Not even my family reads this.  And today...I'm ok with that.

In January of this year when I was officially hired full time with my company and awarded the "less than amazing, but better than nothing" benefits package, I had an IUD removed while I was still covered by my previous insurance.  The reason I did this was I wanted to avoid having to find an OB-GYN so early on this new insurance plan.  I had the IUD removed on January 8th.  By March, I was pregnant and rather excited about it.  We hadn't planned on having a baby so quickly, but we were certainly not going to complain.  I was actually on an impromptu business trip when I got the confirmation and the first person I told was my project manager in Las Vegas.

Unfortunately, early in April, I started bleeding.  At first, it was just spotting, then it became a full on period.  I was worried and I found a OB-GYN that came highly recommended by many women I know.  By April 19th, we found out we lost the baby and I had to have a D & C to effectively clean everything out and start over.  Then we waited.  And waited.  Nothing happened; I was supposed to have a normal period again and I didn't.  We went back to the doctor and he gave me a shot to jump-start the process.  He said the body sometimes forgets what it is supposed to do.  From then on, everything worked out pretty well.  Things went back to normal and we decided to actively try again.

Well, its December now.  I am late and have been suffering a bit of a head-cold/allergies.  I went to the doctor yesterday and he had me tested.  Today, I got the results back.  Not pregnant.  And now...

It's funny.  I never post this kind of thing on Facebook because I figure no one really cares.  They "like" a post and occasionally leave a witty retort, but how many people actually care about the day to day.  I have never really felt like the world gave a damn so why waste their time?  But here, in my anonymous cocoon, I have a space on the internet no one bothers to look into and I can say whatever I want.  No one will read it, no one will "like" it or leave a Hallmark greeting card response.  Here I can spell out my thoughts and not disturb a soul.

My husband is a strange sort of man.  His emotions are kept close to the vest, even from me.  He was wounded...emotionally...and now, he doesn't let anyone see his true pain.  When we lost the baby, I was angry with him for that, angry he didn't share my pain.  But then after a few months, I saw just how much it was hurting him.  He let his walls crumble slightly, forgot to keep the veneer polished.  I saw him cry more often than he would care to admit.  He is 28 now, I am 25.  He wants to have a family, to have kids.  He wants to be the amazing dad he wished he grew up with.  And it just doesn't seem to be happening.

I know it isn't my fault, that I haven't done anything to cause this, but that doesn't change how it feels.  That doesn't change the sorrow catching the breath in my throat.  I want to be a mother.  I want to have my husband's children running around the house.  I want to watch them grow and raise them to be anything they want to be.  I want to be more than I am.

Two nights ago, I had a dream and when I woke up, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was pregnant, that I wouldn't start this month.  I was excited even though I was only a few days late.  I should have known better.  Ever since I was a child, I have known disappointment.  I have learned not to get excited about things, to just let things happen as they come without expectation.  Every time I make plans and get excited for something, it never works out and I become angry and irrational.  That's why I refused to be excited about my wedding, I refused to get my hopes up or set my sights on "the perfect day."  I knew if I did, then every little thing that went wrong would by a huge disappointment and my wedding would be ruined.  Instead, I had no expectations.  I walked down the aisle with a happy-go-lucky attitude and laughed when my shoe fell off as I marched down the stairs.  I threw foam balls around, blew bubbles, and chased kids around the park at my reception.  I enjoyed the day, with all of its problems, and had a truly remarkable wedding.

I keep telling myself to do the same thing in this case, to not get my hopes up, not set any expectations.  I even tried to convince myself I couldn't be pregnant until I was rushed to the delivery room.  But how do you do that with something like a baby?  How do you refuse to be excited, to have hope, to look forward to, to plan for a baby?  How do you shield your heart against heartbreak every time you shop near the baby aisle?  And more importantly, how do you smile in your husband's face and hide away your tears of frustration, of disappointment, of loss, and of sorrow?  How do you pretend nothing is wrong when every fiber of your being is screaming for want of a baby?

Illiterate Writer

As the cost of higher education continues to increase, a growing number of Americans are finding it unaffordable to obtain a college education to say nothing of the paying off the outlandish and mismanaged federal student loans. To demonstrate this concept, I would like to tell you my story.

I am a 25-year-old, female civil engineer. When I was 2, my parents divorced and my father practically disappeared. By the time I was 6, I was diagnosed ADHD, suspected of dyslexia, and molested by a family friend. My mom worked her way up a local government job against several obstacles into management, placing her in the lower middle class, yet we only ever survived.

When I was 10 years old, shingles, ringworm, and strep throat placed me in quarantine for 21 consecutive days, during which time my mother discovered I was illiterate. Somehow, she scrapped together the money to enroll me in Sylvan Learning Center. In 6 months, my reading comprehension and writing skills increased from a 2^nd grade reading level to a 12+ level. I also patched up some holes in my math skills and corrected a speech impediment. My mom told me there was nothing I could not achieve if I set my mind to it.

I never really thought about being disabled or illiterate because when I graduated high school in the top ten, I felt comfortable academically. I applied for dozens of scholarships fitting in as many essays amidst my Advanced Placement and Honors course work.  Unfortunately, given my demographic and mother's annual income, I was overlooked by numerous scholarships entering college with the Cal Grant, the 3^rd place local Elk’s Lodge "Student of the Year" scholarship for $500, and the ever delightful federal subsidized and unsubsidized student loans.

From 2006-2008, I struggled like many underclassmen to register for classes in an overly impacted university when the California budget forced Cal Poly Pomona to cut nearly all of the lower division math classes.  Nevertheless, after 5 years, I graduated Magna Cum Laude with honors in 2011 with a bachelor's degree in civil engineering. Despite numerous extracurricular activities including Chi Epsilon Job Fair Chair and Community Service Coordinator, I was unable to find gainful employment for 6 months and began volunteering with the City of Riverside Water Resources Department in November 2011. Unfortunately, my $25,000 student loans entered deferment until a water engineering consulting company mercifully hired me in July 2012.

Around February 2013, I decided to hone my literary skills; I wrote a short story, which very quickly became a full-length novel at 143,000 words. Now, looking back I realize the feat I accomplished. I overcame several learning and developmental disabilities to graduate top of my class in a mathematical field only to write the first book in a series in my spare time.

Despite all of my accomplishments, I received minimal scholarships. I am just a single student in the desperate middle class struggling to secure a future.  Hundreds of scholarships exist for the impoverished, but few exist for the surviving.  I am not a politician; I do not pretend to understand the intricacies of the Washington agenda, but what I do know is more of the middle class are working dead-end jobs hoping for a lucky break to continue their education.  I am now seeking publication of my novel in the hopes of starting a scholarship foundation to fill in the gap.  I will do my part to ensure all Americans can attend college.  What will you do?

Alexis Rhodes

P.S. If you would like to fact check my story, email storytellerrhodes@gmail.com requesting my real name and supporting documents.